Procrastination: What is That About? By Suzi Elton

Procrastination is an interesting topic. It's probably one of the top reasons why people do not fulfill their life purpose and achieve their dreams. If you think about it, procrastination seems like one of he most illogical things a person can do. You have a goal in life--yet you avoid taking action to realize that goal. Where's the logic in that? How can we start to undestand the dynamic of procrastination, what drives it, and how to stop procrastinating--without stress? Here are some ideas:

1.) One of the primary dynamics behind procrastination is a fear associated with taking action. It could be fear of success. It could be fear of failure. It could be fear that the task will consume too much time. It could be fear of rejection. It could be fear that we might be embarrassed. There is an unlimited variety of forms that fear can take. The important thing is to get clear on what fear is causing the procrastination and deal with it. This might be by deciding to take action in spite of fear. It might be to realize that the fear is ludicrous in light of what success might be.

2.) Another thing to look at is the possibility that procrastination might be a deliberate self sabotage on your part. This could come from many things: fear of being 'above others', fear of losing love if we succeed in our dreams, fear of exceeding our parental accomplishments. All of these can be subtle and subconscious and driving self sabotage without our awareness. None of it is logical, but it is extremely common.

3.) Another thing driving procrastination can be simple lack of planning. Without weekly planning, and weekly assessment of accomplishment of your plans, you have have no urgency or accountabiltiy. Without a plan, without timelines and without clarity on what to accomplish by when, procrastination makes more 'sense'. It is simply a time filler you use to avoid taking action on something you are unclear about.

4.) What do you procrastinate about? This is an interesting question to ask yourself. Since procrastination is an avoidance behavior, you might take a look to see what it is you're avoiding. Are you avoiding what you fear might change in your life when you succeed? Are you avoiding being the greatness you are capable of? Are you avoiding actions required once you've completed the current procrastinated action? Are you avoiding truly committing to your life? Are you avoiding the great feeling you get when you handle what you've been procrastinating about? Are you avoiding taking charge of your life and instead 'killing time' with trivial activities? Are you avoiding the great burst of energy that comes from action rather than procrastinating?

5.) In order to procrastinate, it's necessary to fill your time doing inconsequential activities when you know they are not the important actions to take. This usually gives a guilty, almost depressed feeling. We know we're not doing right by ourselves, but we get locked into a cycle going nowhere relentlessly.

The #1 solution to procrastination is to resolve to and to actually accomplish anything you've been avoiding--first thing immediately. Simply create a day where you handle that item first. Set things up so that you have the time. Get together everything you need. Prepare for the event. Make it your top priority. Don't do anything else until you have completed this item. Make sure there's enough time in your schedule. Take the time to create a winning situation. Don't give up until it is completed. Don't allow anything to get in your way. Don't be sidetracked by trivialities. Just do what it takes.

You will find that by meeting procrastination 'head on' each and every time, you will release a huge burst of energy. From this burst of energy, you will find that, in the wake of breaking through procrastination, you will unexpectedly accomplish a large amount of other items. By creating the habit to 'Do It First' rather than procrastinate, you literally break through a huge dam of self imposed stagnation. Experiment with this. You will be amazed at your results.

Resource: http://www.isnare.com/?aid=301340&ca=Self

Trying to Make a Cat Into a Dog By Suzi Elton

Have you ever 'had to' listen to a person complain long and miserably because someone in their life will not behave differently? Do you hear bitter recrimination because you are who you are and won't be what someone else wants you to be? Are you the one who is simply unable to accept the personality or nature of another in your life? These are instances of attempting to turn a cat into a dog.

There's something seriously askew when we cannot accept the basic nature of others in our life. Here are some things to consider.

1.) Perhaps the issue is that you never noticed the basic nature of the cat. You've spent a lot of time with them, but somehow (perhaps because you wished it so) you convinced yourself that the cat was a dog.

2.) There are those who delude themselves about the nature of things from the beginning. They prefer to live in fantasy rather than in reality. They end up with lots of knocks on the head (or heart) doing this, but somehow they just keep repeating the pattern.

3.) Some people accept others as they are at first, then later decide who they are is not adequate or acceptable. This can have a lot of causes...it can be a 'rejection game' meant to allow them to feel superior. It can be a way to create distance. Perhaps they were desperate for attention and company at first, then wake up one day finding fault.

4.) There is almost a kind of 'insanity' involved in wanting others to be different from who they are. It is irrational to want black to be white or to want a man to be a 'girlfriend' or to want for up to be down. Yet, we don't see the irrationality in wanting someone to be different from who they are.

5.) If you want a dog in your life, don't choose a cat for your pet. Pay attention to who people truly are. They will show you their true nature. All you have to do is keep your eyes open, observe, and don't pretend that they are different from what you see.

6.) Make a point not to fantasize or romanticize about people. Don't observe a single behavior and make up whole sagas about what kind of person they are. Just stay in reality and stay out of daydreams.

7.) Don't pretend to be someone different from who you truly are. Doing so will only complicate matters. If you are presenting a false self, you are likely getting others responding to you differently from their true self...and this can only result in problems later.

8.) Keep your social life active enough that you will not make choices driven by loneliness. When loneliness is a primary criteria, you will likely accept others who aren't really a fit for you or your life.

9.) Decide either to accept a person as they are or 'let them go' from your life. Life is too short to spend it in dissatisfaction in our interpersonal relationships. If they aren't what you want, bless them and send them on their way.

10.) If you want a dog, choose a dog. Go where dogs are. Involve yourself in activities that dogs frequent. Get really good at paying attention to dogs you meet. Make time to actively seek out what you want.

11.) Say 'No' to any temptations to accept a cat-'just one last time'-when you really want a dog. This can be a huge temptation when you are actively working to change the pattern. Just don't do it. It doesn't work. It never did and never will. You are deluding yourself.

12.) Don't go where the cats are and pine for a dog. This is ridiculous behavior and incredibly self defeating.

There is a whole new level of joy on the healed side of this pattern. You will find yourself a lot happier and more satisfied. You will accept others...and yourself. You will choose to fill your life with those who are what you want. You will stop suffering from deluding yourself. You will stop wanting and trying to change others. There's a lot of inner peace in acceptance. There's satisfaction in knowing a cat (or dog) when you see one. There's also much more love in the world.

Resource: http://www.isnare.com/?aid=301342&ca=Self

Believing You Are Separate Is Spiritually Pointless By Richard Blackstone

Most of us have lived the majority of our lives dealing with the world from an external point of view. We use our five senses of taste, touch, smell, sight and sound to interpret the various stimuli that we encounter through the events and experiences of our lives. This is a natural thing because we live in a world of relationships and we compare one set of physical characteristics against another set of physical characteristics to see how one relates to the other.

The world is not made up of only the physical aspects of our existence. We are also in relationship with the metaphysical aspects, which are necessary for the physical world to exist. The metaphysical part of our existence cannot be viewed by using the five external senses that we use to interpret the physical world, so we usually don't think about it much. We are more concerned in our day-to-day living, satisfying the needs of the ego.

Unfortunately the ego is never satisfied and is always in a state of need. You can give the ego all that it asks for and wake up the next morning and it will have a new list of demands. The demands of the ego are external. There is an infinite number of external stimuli, thus there will be an infinite demand for fulfillment.

The ego is a perfect tool for living your life if you subscribe to the concept that you are a separate being from all other people places and things. This paradigm of life says that you are a separate entity and at your core is fear. You are born in sin and you have to justify your existence to a judgmental God who will condemn you to hell if he finds you're unworthy of being accepted into heaven.

So you fear this final judgment and develop a system of 'you against the world' in an attempt to amass points for winning at the game of life. You have a willing partner in the ego who is very adept at putting the demands of the ego first in your decision making process.

You immerse yourself in the external world because that is where the game is being played. You are not concerned with going inside of yourself for peace and answers to your greatest questions because you are separate from everything, including your God, and therefore going within yourself doesn't serve to connect you with anything but your internal silence.

You don't see how this silence relates to your physical needs, and the idea that metaphysical thinking can affect your physical world doesn't make sense. What does make sense are the five senses. If you can't taste, touch, see, smell or hear it, then it doesn't serve you to satisfy your needs. And your needs have to be satisfied to quell your fears. But you can never quell the really big fear, the core fear of your being, until the time of your earthly death.

It's kind of sad because all of your earthly physical life you live in fear of not knowing if you are going to make it into heaven, and when you die you are no longer in the physical world so you never really know in a physical sense if you won the game of life.

According to this paradigm of separation you live your whole life in fear of something that you never know the outcome of. It seems very pointless and that is the realization that most of the people who live their lives in this manner come to. Their struggles and maneuvering and hard work and planning all seem pointless except to the extent that they can feel superior in their relationships to other people and superior over their environment.

The separation mentality is fertile ground for the ego and allows us un-ending opportunities to create those aspects of ourselves that we are not. The problem comes when we believe in the separation mentality so deeply that we define ourselves and align ourselves with the exterior events and experiences that represent who we are not. The ultimate reality is that we are not fear and we are not separate from our source.

You are free, however, to believe that you are those things because you have free will to create yourself as you choose. If it is your choice to create a life of fear of, and separation from, your God source, then that is okay.

Fear says that's the way it is, and love says it is entirely your choice.

Resource: http://www.isnare.com/?aid=208598&ca=Self

What Are Your Insecurities? By Lynn Lawson

Everyone has insecurities. Whether you feel your nose is a little crooked; you’re not as intelligent as others around you; or you feel you need to shed a few pounds to be at your best; we all feel there are changes we can make to make us feel better about ourselves.

One of my insecurities has always been that I’m more of an introvert. Even though I was a cheerleader in high school, love to perform, participated in lots of group activities throughout my life, and actively seek opportunities to lead, I still consider myself a more reserved person (maybe an introvert with extrovert tendencies). While I am funny to those who really know me (kind of a nerdy goof ball), I still find myself pretty quiet (definitely not shy) around those who don’t know me well. I can honestly say that in party settings, I am not the “go to” person for fun.

I love to have fun, but I love to be in control, too. That’s probably the root of the insecurity, I guess. I never enjoy feeling “out of my element”. And, I sometimes avoid situations in which I feel out of control. However, I also balance this insecurity by placing myself in some of these same situations.

For me, being more introverted allows me to manage my life better. So, to an extent, it serves me well. But, if it ever gets to a point where I cannot be comfortable without being in control, then I’ll know I have a problem. My goal continues to be to challenge myself to experience bouts of free reign in my life, so that I can loosen more and more of my self-restraint.

When you look at yourself, what do you see and how do you feel about yourself? Small levels of insecurity are common in all people. But when insecurity debilitates your life, you have to consider why you succumb to anxieties about yourself. What is the root cause of your insecurity? If you don’t identify the root cause, your potential for a better life can be strangled by the uncertainties you feel about yourself.

Ask yourself these questions to determine your level of insecurity:

1. Am I shy or uneasy with strangers?
2. Do I wish I was smarter?
3. Do I wish I was better looking?
4. Am I overly cautious?
5. Do I think I’m an emotionally weak person?

If you have more yes than no answers, then you may have an issue with insecurity. If so, you’ll need to restructure your thoughts and perceptions about yourself. You can do this by replacing the negative mental energy of your insecurity with positive action.

For example, if you wish you were smarter, rather than ruminating on your feeling of inadequacy, you can choose to learn more about a subject of interest to you. In this instance, taking the time to learn while worrying less about your personal anxieties will give you the confidence you need to gradually banish this thought from your mind.

This same method can be used for any type of insecurity, but you also have to remember to stay in balance. Overcompensating in your life because of insecurity proves futile, as well. Just remember, worry without action is just as destructive as too much action due to little self-worth.

Resource: http://www.isnare.com/?aid=299690&ca=Self

Disguised Blame By Suzi Elton

o you shirk responsibility for your own life with disguised blame? This sounds like a fairly accusatory statement, but 'hear' me out. There's value here. Let's start with the concept of 'shirk responsibility'. There may be ways that your life does not fulfill the dreams you have. This could be an indicator that you have have unconsciously not taken responsibility for creating what you want. Don't get into any judgment or self critical behavior. Simply observe where you life is less than what you want it to be. This will likely suggest some potential activities you could choose to take to close the gap.

Here are some other ways that we human may shirk responsibility for creating the lives we want and some potential disguised blaming techniques.

1.) We may choose not to fulfill our destiny, but hold someone else at fault. Many clients believe they do not have the life they desire because of childhood treatment. Obviously, this is untrue, when you pay attention to stories of very traumatic situations taht some have overcome. If this descibes you (and it is very common), take a serious look at how you still allow the past to create a less than satisfying future. In effect, you are letting 'them' and those events rob you of the life you want. Does that make any sense?

2.) Any time you do not follow through on commitments to yourself--there is some sort of disguised blame. Take a look at the excuses you use, 'I'm tired.', 'I'm depressed.', 'Someone's not treating me right.', 'I'm overwhelmed.', 'I didn't have enough time.' Somehow, these excuses suggest that you had no control over the situation. You might look at the possibility that putting your commitment to yourself and your life first would be taking responsiblity. Usually, if you do that, and take action in spite of circumstances, you will move out of the mindset of the excuse, no longer be controlled by it, and develop momentum by staying in action.

3.) If we hold that, 'It's not my fault!' that we did not follow through, that, of course implies that the blame lies elsewhere. Any time you find yourself thinking or saying that sentence, take a moment to explore whose fault it is.

4.) One way that clients disguise blame is by not taking charge and making sure there is enough time to do the things they commit to do to create the results they want. Then, they end up incomplete and pretending to be the victim of 'time'. If you recognize yourself here, this can be an easy shift to make. Simply make the activity your #1 priority and plan all other activities around it.

5.) Failing to plan or write the plan down is another way to disguise blame. If you don't take the responsibility of creating a written plan, it's unlikely that you will see your responsibility in not having what you want. Written plans are always a factor in success.

6.) Frequently, clients fail to progress because they have no support system. What they do not see is that they have not built one. They have not put out the effort to do what it takes to have the ongoing support that contributes so much to success. How can you create support for yourself? Hire a coach, join a mastermind, get a mentor, take classes at an entrepreneur center. Assocaite with positive and supportive people.Avoid negative and non-supportive situations and people. Make this happen for yourself.

7.) 'Life intervened' is another way that we might disguise blame. Yes, this does happen to all of us at times. If you find that that is your consistent excuse for lack of followthrough though, it is simply an excuse. You might look at how you allow other things to take priority over having the life you want. This is disguised blame because surely it is someone else's fault.

Take a look (gently) at any ways that you do not follow through on your commitments to yourself. These are likely going to show you the ways you get in the way of having the life you want. Once you see your self sabotage, you can start to change it.

Resource: http://www.isnare.com/?aid=301343&ca=Self

Five Effective Tips in Managing Your Busy Day By Brent McNutt

Almost all of us live a busy life. Students need to go to school on time. They have to make sure that they prepare for all their subjects. Working moms on the other hand has to wake up early. They have to attend to the needs of her family, prepare the breakfast, and get ready for work. While dads help out, read his paper, check on his things, get ready, and drop the kids to school.

All of us have errands to run. Others have to squeeze in some important appointments while working. Here are some tips that will help you manage your affairs more effectively.

1. Make a to-do list for the entire week. This does not mean that you have to make a schedule for the entire week. Just list down the things you need to accomplish before the week ends. This includes paying the bills, grocery shopping, visiting your parents or friends, and/or filing important documents. This will help you plan what to do during your free day. It will also help you squeeze in some of the things you can during your break in the office.

2. Before you call it a day, prepare a list of the things you need to do the following day. Prioritize. If you need to visit a friend in the hospital, see what time you will be available and make sure that the hospital allows visitation during those time. A list is a good way to remind you of the things that needs to be done. It will also keep your activities organized.

3. Check for the two things you can do at the same time. While taking a break, you can probably look for cheap landau scrubs for your wife. You know how busy nurses are. They barely have time to eat their lunch. She will surely appreciate this kind of gesture.

4. Do the things you need to do during the scheduled time. If it is time for you to work, work. Take the break when it is time to do so. You will not finish everything on time if you do not follow your schedule.

5. Do not try to do all the things in a day. This is why you are prioritizing. Place the things that need your immediate attention on the top of your list. This will entail that you need to finish them first before you do the rest of the list. If you are unable to finish them during the day, place them on top of your list the next day.

All of us have things to do. We have respective duties that keep us busy. However, we also have free time. We can use this to help our loved ones. You can check the internet to find cheap landau scrubs for your partner while you sip your coffee during your break. You can also manage your time better if you plan and organize the things you need to do ahead of time. This will allow you maximize your free time and will ensure that you have done all the important things first.

Resource: http://www.isnare.com/?aid=299226&ca=Self

Can Drinking and Drugging Help me Deal With Painful Feelings? By Tom Horvath

Yes, but...

No one complains about feeling happy! But we don’t want to have other, painful feelings. When these feelings arise, one way to respond to them is to drink or drug. One set of painful feelings can be broadly labeled fear or anxiety: 'Drugs and/or alcohol helped me cope with feelings like anxiety, tension, fear, stress, agitation, nervousness, vulnerability, intimidation, embarrassment and panic.' Other painful feelings center around sadness and depression: 'They helped me cope with feelings like depression, sadness, hurt, discouragement, grief, feeling defeated, feeling deprived or feeling abandoned.'

There are many other painful feelings as well:

a) frustration, resentment, anger, annoyance, irritability and rage
b) feeling remorseful, ashamed, guilty, responsible, humiliated
c) feeling disgusted or shocked
d) feeling bored, apathetic or impatient
e) feeling over-excited, “amped up,” “wired”
f) feeling exhausted or depleted
g) feeling lonely, isolated, cut off, alienated
h) feeling powerless
i) feeling “in pain” without being able to define the pain very well (perhaps a mixture of many painful feelings)

How well do drugs and alcohol work to cope with these painful feelings? For most of us, quite well! If you have had the experience of alcohol relaxing you, or coke giving you energy, or vicodin just helping you feel better, you don’t need much explanation of these effects. For some, the drugs immediately create bad feelings more than they resolve them. Did you ever see anyone get paranoid after smoking pot or doing a line of coke? These folks aren’t likely to turn to drugs (or at least that drug) for help dealing with bad feelings!

But if you are reading this article, you may be in the group that gets emotional relief from one or more drugs. Have you found yourself thinking:

“It helped me bring my feelings into a more normal range. They were just too out of control without it.'

'I don't understand why, but I felt tremendous pain, and when I did this the pain was less.'

'It helped me cope when I felt like I had nothing left inside of me.'

So what is the problem with this? Maybe nothing, if you don’t do it often or in large quantities. Did you ever overeat to cope with stress? That overeating isn’t a big problem unless it becomes a pattern, a habit, a way of life.

The problems from drug use (or overeating) come from two factors: 1) by using you have not dealt with the problem directly (by delaying dealing with it you may have allowed it to get even worse), and 2) drug use is by itself becomes, sometimes quickly, a problem in many ways, including having a negative impact on how you fit you’re your family and social group, your health, your emotional well-being, your financial security, your legal status, and other ways you are likely familiar with.

However, neither of these facts is guaranteed. Maybe delay will actually help. Maybe the drug you use, in the quantities and ways you do it, causes little harm (think “caffeine”).

So, the only way to know if the drug use you engage in is worth the cost, is to list the benefits of using and the costs of using. Then think very hard about your lists. If you decide that the costs exceed the benefits, then it’s time to make a change.

Resource: http://www.isnare.com/?aid=300924&ca=Self

Create Your World By Your World By James Heller

“Simply give others a bit of yourself; a thoughtful act, a helpful idea, a word of appreciation, a lift over a rough spot, a sense of understanding, or a timely suggestion. You take something out of your mind, garnished in kindness out of your heart, and put it into the other person’s mind and heart.” Charles H. Burr

Words, words, words. Written words, spoken words, signed words. If we are going to be really successful in this world, no matter what you do, you need to be able to use words to create the results you are seeking. Unfortunately the vast majority of people do not understand the power of words. We think that we are just speaking, but words create or destroy. They create or destroy people.

A UCLA study of one-year-olds found that the child hears the word ‘no’ more than 400 times per day. So by the time a child is four, he’s been told ‘no’ more than half a million times. The bottom line is that toddlers from all cultures and across all time lines learn what to do by constantly being told what not to do. This conditioning carries on when we get to school – don’t talk in class, don’t color outside the lines, don’t run in the hallways, don’t give a wrong answer, don’t …

From this study we see that words are being used to control people. However, it is also true that a child’s creativity, desire to examine, and curiosity begin to die after being told to conform so many times.

Let’s turn our attention to the creative power of words. It really doesn’t matter whether you are doing a live presentation on stage, or you are talking to people on the telephone or one-to-one personally. There are two very important aspects to consider when opening our mouths to speak.

The first is our message. We need to know what we are talking about. We have to be knowledgeable about the topic. This is the heart of the talk. If you do not speak with some understanding and authority you might as well stay in your seat. You will not be able to help anyone. You do not have to be the ‘expert’ but you do have to be convinced that the subject is worthwhile to those you are speaking to.

What do you want to communicate to the people? Will what you are offering help others improve their work or personal lives? Could what you are speaking about or even selling be the solution to their problems? Will this help them achieve their goals in life? Will this meet their dreams?

The second is our signature. Our signature is defined as “any unique, distinguishing aspect, feature, or mark.” This is where you let your personality come through in the presentation. This is when the presentation comes alive.

Your signature includes your body language – your posture, eye contact, facial expressions and other body movements before and during the presentation. Eye contact is important. I have had to sit through presentations with the person doing the talking and he is looking at the ceiling. If he isn’t going to talk to me then he might as well sit down and mail me the information to read. He might actually have something that I’m interested in but if he isn’t looking at the audience then I’m not listening.

This also carries to the phone conversations. Even though we can’t see each other we can tell if the person on the other end is smiling. We can tell if they really want to be on the call. For those of us who use the phone to present our business opportunity this is a very important thing to understand. Our voice – the pitch, inflections, the tone – all convey our attitude. If you are just there to make a sale they will know it. If you are there because you think this opportunity will be of benefit to them then they will listen.

What are your words saying? Be careful because you are creating or destroying by what comes out of your mouth. You are not only creating or destroying their future but your own as well.

James Heller

Resource: http://www.isnare.com/?aid=209015&ca=Self