Disguised Blame By Suzi Elton

o you shirk responsibility for your own life with disguised blame? This sounds like a fairly accusatory statement, but 'hear' me out. There's value here. Let's start with the concept of 'shirk responsibility'. There may be ways that your life does not fulfill the dreams you have. This could be an indicator that you have have unconsciously not taken responsibility for creating what you want. Don't get into any judgment or self critical behavior. Simply observe where you life is less than what you want it to be. This will likely suggest some potential activities you could choose to take to close the gap.

Here are some other ways that we human may shirk responsibility for creating the lives we want and some potential disguised blaming techniques.

1.) We may choose not to fulfill our destiny, but hold someone else at fault. Many clients believe they do not have the life they desire because of childhood treatment. Obviously, this is untrue, when you pay attention to stories of very traumatic situations taht some have overcome. If this descibes you (and it is very common), take a serious look at how you still allow the past to create a less than satisfying future. In effect, you are letting 'them' and those events rob you of the life you want. Does that make any sense?

2.) Any time you do not follow through on commitments to yourself--there is some sort of disguised blame. Take a look at the excuses you use, 'I'm tired.', 'I'm depressed.', 'Someone's not treating me right.', 'I'm overwhelmed.', 'I didn't have enough time.' Somehow, these excuses suggest that you had no control over the situation. You might look at the possibility that putting your commitment to yourself and your life first would be taking responsiblity. Usually, if you do that, and take action in spite of circumstances, you will move out of the mindset of the excuse, no longer be controlled by it, and develop momentum by staying in action.

3.) If we hold that, 'It's not my fault!' that we did not follow through, that, of course implies that the blame lies elsewhere. Any time you find yourself thinking or saying that sentence, take a moment to explore whose fault it is.

4.) One way that clients disguise blame is by not taking charge and making sure there is enough time to do the things they commit to do to create the results they want. Then, they end up incomplete and pretending to be the victim of 'time'. If you recognize yourself here, this can be an easy shift to make. Simply make the activity your #1 priority and plan all other activities around it.

5.) Failing to plan or write the plan down is another way to disguise blame. If you don't take the responsibility of creating a written plan, it's unlikely that you will see your responsibility in not having what you want. Written plans are always a factor in success.

6.) Frequently, clients fail to progress because they have no support system. What they do not see is that they have not built one. They have not put out the effort to do what it takes to have the ongoing support that contributes so much to success. How can you create support for yourself? Hire a coach, join a mastermind, get a mentor, take classes at an entrepreneur center. Assocaite with positive and supportive people.Avoid negative and non-supportive situations and people. Make this happen for yourself.

7.) 'Life intervened' is another way that we might disguise blame. Yes, this does happen to all of us at times. If you find that that is your consistent excuse for lack of followthrough though, it is simply an excuse. You might look at how you allow other things to take priority over having the life you want. This is disguised blame because surely it is someone else's fault.

Take a look (gently) at any ways that you do not follow through on your commitments to yourself. These are likely going to show you the ways you get in the way of having the life you want. Once you see your self sabotage, you can start to change it.

Resource: http://www.isnare.com/?aid=301343&ca=Self

Five Effective Tips in Managing Your Busy Day By Brent McNutt

Almost all of us live a busy life. Students need to go to school on time. They have to make sure that they prepare for all their subjects. Working moms on the other hand has to wake up early. They have to attend to the needs of her family, prepare the breakfast, and get ready for work. While dads help out, read his paper, check on his things, get ready, and drop the kids to school.

All of us have errands to run. Others have to squeeze in some important appointments while working. Here are some tips that will help you manage your affairs more effectively.

1. Make a to-do list for the entire week. This does not mean that you have to make a schedule for the entire week. Just list down the things you need to accomplish before the week ends. This includes paying the bills, grocery shopping, visiting your parents or friends, and/or filing important documents. This will help you plan what to do during your free day. It will also help you squeeze in some of the things you can during your break in the office.

2. Before you call it a day, prepare a list of the things you need to do the following day. Prioritize. If you need to visit a friend in the hospital, see what time you will be available and make sure that the hospital allows visitation during those time. A list is a good way to remind you of the things that needs to be done. It will also keep your activities organized.

3. Check for the two things you can do at the same time. While taking a break, you can probably look for cheap landau scrubs for your wife. You know how busy nurses are. They barely have time to eat their lunch. She will surely appreciate this kind of gesture.

4. Do the things you need to do during the scheduled time. If it is time for you to work, work. Take the break when it is time to do so. You will not finish everything on time if you do not follow your schedule.

5. Do not try to do all the things in a day. This is why you are prioritizing. Place the things that need your immediate attention on the top of your list. This will entail that you need to finish them first before you do the rest of the list. If you are unable to finish them during the day, place them on top of your list the next day.

All of us have things to do. We have respective duties that keep us busy. However, we also have free time. We can use this to help our loved ones. You can check the internet to find cheap landau scrubs for your partner while you sip your coffee during your break. You can also manage your time better if you plan and organize the things you need to do ahead of time. This will allow you maximize your free time and will ensure that you have done all the important things first.

Resource: http://www.isnare.com/?aid=299226&ca=Self

Can Drinking and Drugging Help me Deal With Painful Feelings? By Tom Horvath

Yes, but...

No one complains about feeling happy! But we don’t want to have other, painful feelings. When these feelings arise, one way to respond to them is to drink or drug. One set of painful feelings can be broadly labeled fear or anxiety: 'Drugs and/or alcohol helped me cope with feelings like anxiety, tension, fear, stress, agitation, nervousness, vulnerability, intimidation, embarrassment and panic.' Other painful feelings center around sadness and depression: 'They helped me cope with feelings like depression, sadness, hurt, discouragement, grief, feeling defeated, feeling deprived or feeling abandoned.'

There are many other painful feelings as well:

a) frustration, resentment, anger, annoyance, irritability and rage
b) feeling remorseful, ashamed, guilty, responsible, humiliated
c) feeling disgusted or shocked
d) feeling bored, apathetic or impatient
e) feeling over-excited, “amped up,” “wired”
f) feeling exhausted or depleted
g) feeling lonely, isolated, cut off, alienated
h) feeling powerless
i) feeling “in pain” without being able to define the pain very well (perhaps a mixture of many painful feelings)

How well do drugs and alcohol work to cope with these painful feelings? For most of us, quite well! If you have had the experience of alcohol relaxing you, or coke giving you energy, or vicodin just helping you feel better, you don’t need much explanation of these effects. For some, the drugs immediately create bad feelings more than they resolve them. Did you ever see anyone get paranoid after smoking pot or doing a line of coke? These folks aren’t likely to turn to drugs (or at least that drug) for help dealing with bad feelings!

But if you are reading this article, you may be in the group that gets emotional relief from one or more drugs. Have you found yourself thinking:

“It helped me bring my feelings into a more normal range. They were just too out of control without it.'

'I don't understand why, but I felt tremendous pain, and when I did this the pain was less.'

'It helped me cope when I felt like I had nothing left inside of me.'

So what is the problem with this? Maybe nothing, if you don’t do it often or in large quantities. Did you ever overeat to cope with stress? That overeating isn’t a big problem unless it becomes a pattern, a habit, a way of life.

The problems from drug use (or overeating) come from two factors: 1) by using you have not dealt with the problem directly (by delaying dealing with it you may have allowed it to get even worse), and 2) drug use is by itself becomes, sometimes quickly, a problem in many ways, including having a negative impact on how you fit you’re your family and social group, your health, your emotional well-being, your financial security, your legal status, and other ways you are likely familiar with.

However, neither of these facts is guaranteed. Maybe delay will actually help. Maybe the drug you use, in the quantities and ways you do it, causes little harm (think “caffeine”).

So, the only way to know if the drug use you engage in is worth the cost, is to list the benefits of using and the costs of using. Then think very hard about your lists. If you decide that the costs exceed the benefits, then it’s time to make a change.

Resource: http://www.isnare.com/?aid=300924&ca=Self

Create Your World By Your World By James Heller

“Simply give others a bit of yourself; a thoughtful act, a helpful idea, a word of appreciation, a lift over a rough spot, a sense of understanding, or a timely suggestion. You take something out of your mind, garnished in kindness out of your heart, and put it into the other person’s mind and heart.” Charles H. Burr

Words, words, words. Written words, spoken words, signed words. If we are going to be really successful in this world, no matter what you do, you need to be able to use words to create the results you are seeking. Unfortunately the vast majority of people do not understand the power of words. We think that we are just speaking, but words create or destroy. They create or destroy people.

A UCLA study of one-year-olds found that the child hears the word ‘no’ more than 400 times per day. So by the time a child is four, he’s been told ‘no’ more than half a million times. The bottom line is that toddlers from all cultures and across all time lines learn what to do by constantly being told what not to do. This conditioning carries on when we get to school – don’t talk in class, don’t color outside the lines, don’t run in the hallways, don’t give a wrong answer, don’t …

From this study we see that words are being used to control people. However, it is also true that a child’s creativity, desire to examine, and curiosity begin to die after being told to conform so many times.

Let’s turn our attention to the creative power of words. It really doesn’t matter whether you are doing a live presentation on stage, or you are talking to people on the telephone or one-to-one personally. There are two very important aspects to consider when opening our mouths to speak.

The first is our message. We need to know what we are talking about. We have to be knowledgeable about the topic. This is the heart of the talk. If you do not speak with some understanding and authority you might as well stay in your seat. You will not be able to help anyone. You do not have to be the ‘expert’ but you do have to be convinced that the subject is worthwhile to those you are speaking to.

What do you want to communicate to the people? Will what you are offering help others improve their work or personal lives? Could what you are speaking about or even selling be the solution to their problems? Will this help them achieve their goals in life? Will this meet their dreams?

The second is our signature. Our signature is defined as “any unique, distinguishing aspect, feature, or mark.” This is where you let your personality come through in the presentation. This is when the presentation comes alive.

Your signature includes your body language – your posture, eye contact, facial expressions and other body movements before and during the presentation. Eye contact is important. I have had to sit through presentations with the person doing the talking and he is looking at the ceiling. If he isn’t going to talk to me then he might as well sit down and mail me the information to read. He might actually have something that I’m interested in but if he isn’t looking at the audience then I’m not listening.

This also carries to the phone conversations. Even though we can’t see each other we can tell if the person on the other end is smiling. We can tell if they really want to be on the call. For those of us who use the phone to present our business opportunity this is a very important thing to understand. Our voice – the pitch, inflections, the tone – all convey our attitude. If you are just there to make a sale they will know it. If you are there because you think this opportunity will be of benefit to them then they will listen.

What are your words saying? Be careful because you are creating or destroying by what comes out of your mouth. You are not only creating or destroying their future but your own as well.

James Heller

Resource: http://www.isnare.com/?aid=209015&ca=Self